||[Sep. 5th, 2004|01:34 am]
|||||3 doors down 'here without you'||]|
damn it i was writing this entry and then aol kicked me off. aol is such a fucktard. ugh.
anyway. today was one of those days where no matter how much you try to make it a good day, everything seems to go bad. of course i'm on the rag so that doesn't help.
well as i wrote before, jojo is in the doggie hospital. she's doing okay i think they said but i'm not expecting her to get well to tell you the truth. it wouldn't bug me except the fact that the bible says that animals don't have souls. Now I won't mind once i'm in heaven but it's the time when i'm on earth. and poor snowy. snowy has been freaking out all day looking for her sister everywhere. My mom and I have been paying as much attention to her as possible. my dad has been watching football, plus he never pays as much attention to the dogs as mom and I do.
well and so i was out of pads so i decided to go to walmart and so i went to my car and i thought i saw gabe's brother walking down the street so i called his name. well he looked over and didn't say hi or stop or anything so i called it again. same thing, no answer. Well i kinda ran over and well he was still walking and i was yelling at him and he finally said "uh do i know you" and well when i finally got to look at him (the sun was in my eyes) i guess it wasn't him. i felt sooooooo stupid. so i went back to my car and just kinda felt horrible. i felt so stupid and more like shit.
so anyway went to walmart blah and then i went to the mall and i got two cds. I got the libertines cd and godsmack's new cd. then i went to sonic and then home.
i finally got an email from mr. doof (you-know-who *cough*) but you know him he never says much. which sometimes bugs me. i wish he would say more. of course you know guys. i just wish he would open up to me more. i mean if we're were REALLY just friends he would wouldn't he? i'm so confused. and yeah i feel sooooo ugly. like very ugly. i looked at myself from the side in a mirror kinda deal by the cds in walmart and i look like crap. my cheeks are so fat and my face is just crap from the site. i feel horrible about myself.
i feel like i'm going to burst into tears any moment. seriously. i know it's not going to help me anyway. i just wish everything would just be better
i hate my life. i hate my body. i want jojo well. i want to know that someone thinks i'm beautiful
I WANT TO STOP BEING DEPRESSED. but i know i can't help that.